City of Stars
by Rowan.The.White
Summary: Clary is a girl born on a spaceship, headed for a new planet where the human race can start over. Everyone grows up the same, learns the same, lives the same. But when she starts noticing strange things happening aboard the ship and meets a mysterious boy named Jace, she begins to question exactly what is happening and if she is content with living a life chosen by others.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do own any of the characters in this story, they all belong to Cassandra Clare.**

I want to feel the wind. I understand what it is, I know what is should feel like. But under the giant lamps, feeling the heat radiating off of the dirt ground that I'm currently kneeling on, wind seems more unrealistic than ever before. The air here is dry and stagnant, and my tongue tastes musty. I imagine the feeling of a cool breeze raising goose bumps along my arms, blowing my heavy curls off of the back of my sticky neck. I raise my arms, trying to feel if there is any movement in the air.

"Clary? What are you doing?" Simon's voice breaks me out of my trace and I open my eyes, feeling the blush spreading through my cheeks at the amused look on his face.

"Shut up," I say hotly, scrambling to my feet. "I was thinking about the wind, what it must feel like."

Simon rolls his eyes and bends down to pick up my bucket. "I don't even see why you pay attention in Earth Studies, that's the most boring class ever."

"You know I find it interesting. It all just seems so… unreal to me."

I take my bucket of weeds out of his hand and we start heading back across the field, weaving in and out of the rows of plants to avoid the other people working. The dirt crunches under my shoes and I wonder when it will rain. The systems try their best to mimic the weather patterns of those on Earth, and right now we are in the summer stage, the lamps working full blast to produce enough heat.

Once we reach the door and set our buckets down, Simon pushes the button and the door slides open, a whoosh of cold air coming out to meet us. A stray curl stirs against my cheek and I wonder if that brief rush of cool air is the closest thing to wind that I'll ever feel.

"It is now six o'clock," the robotic voice of a woman says, the sound echoing from all the intercoms down the hall.

Simon sighs loudly, the sound lost in the sudden chatter as people file out of all the rooms and start making their way down the hall.

"Sandy always ruins my plans. I thought we were going to have a few minutes before dinner but _someone_ had to go all into crazy mode."

He insists on calling the robotic voice Sandy, saying it makes her more personable and less creepy to listen to every day. I don't know why he thinks that, giving her a name makes me think of some woman trapped in a room, forced to tell the time and announcements to us every single day, with no end in sight.

"Did you have something you were planning?" I ask, wondering why he seems so disappointed.

"Nah, I'll just talk to you about it after dinner." He won't meet my eyes though. It's a long walk to the far end of the ship where the dining hall is located, and we spend it in an awkward silence.

Isabelle and Alec are waiting for us inside, sitting at our usual table. Tall and pale, attractive with their dark hair and large dark eyes, they are the only siblings here. Most couples are allowed to only have one child, to create a controlled age group for the next generation, but because they were born within a year of each other, it was allowed.

"How were the fields today?" Isabelle asks as I sit down next to her.

"Hot," I complain, flopping my head down on the table with an exhausted sigh.

"It could have been worse, you could have been doing the pipes," she smirks, knowing she is right. Although the pipes would have been colder, scraping muck and gunk all day makes weeding the fields sound like fun.

Sandy's voice interrupts whatever brilliant comeback I was formulating in my mind.

"Please clear all arms and hands away from the tables, dinner will now be served."

The slots on our table tops slid back and a tray of food came up to sit in front of each of us. The food is the same every night, different colored lumps of various things stuffed full of all the essential vitamins and nutrients we could need. The colors are supposed to make it more appetizing. They don't.

As I'm lifting another bite to my mouth, I abruptly realize that it tastes like nothing. Nothing and everything, since it's all I've ever known. My stomach churns and I wonder what's wrong with my mind tonight.

To distract myself, I ask the question that I know is on everyone's mind. "So are you guys nervous about tomorrow?"

Everyone stops eating and Alec turns pale.

"Of course not," Isabelle says, tossing her hair back.

"Not even a little?" Simon sounds incredulous and she just shoots him a defiant look.

"Well I'm a little nervous," he admits. "It's just overwhelming to think that tomorrow is basically deciding what we are going to do for the rest of our lives. No more experimental classes or fake testing to see what useful skills we have. I wish I could know what to expect."

"You know the test is just to give them an idea of where to place you. They take your opinion and any professions you are interested in pursuing into account as well," Isabelle say confidently, like she already knows what is going to happen to her. I'm tempted to ask but we all know better than to talk about specifics. We could accidentally influence each other's decision if we do.

"I'm not as worried about my career placement as I am about next week," I confess. They all know immediately what I'm referring to.

Alec gets even paler and looks like he is going to be sick. Simon notices and laughs.

"Oh calm down, with your genes, I'm sure they are required to pair you with a girl who is beautiful and comes from good stock. And is she isn't as attractive as you'd hoped, I'm sure she has something else good about her that your children can inherit."

This doesn't seem to make him feel any better. Isabelle just rolls her eyes.

"Yeah Clary, what are you even worried about? Whoever you get will be for a reason and once you have a kid and contribute to the future of this ship, you can be done if you want. Just feel better knowing the lucky guy you get partnered with will be your perfect genetic match."

"I know that," I say quickly. "Just never mind."

Simon is looking at me curiously but I just turn my face away, finishing the last few bites of my food. I can't share what I'm thinking, why I'm so nervous for next week, when the evaluators will choose the boy for me to have a child with and possibly live with, if we want to. My worries are illogical, and I know that. But I also know that I'm going to end up sharing with my mother tomorrow.

Dinner ends and we have two hours of free time before bed time. I get up from me seat and turn to follow Isabelle out, but Simon grabs my hand to stop me. I jerk away in surprise and stare at him. Touching is not approved of, only when it's necessary and definitely not when it's on purpose or affectionate.

He turns red and stammers out an apology. I shrug it off, trying to ignore the strange sensation in my hand. His skin is rougher than mine and I find that I'm curious to feel it again. It's been a long time since someone else has touched me.

"Let's go to my room," I say, heading out the door, wondering what Simon wants to talk about. I look back to make sure he is following as the door opens and walk into something solid.

The force nearly knocks me to the ground, but firm hands grab my shoulders, keeping me upright. I gasp as heat sears down my arms and up my neck and I stare into golden eyes. The boy is tall, with curls just a shade darker than his eyes, and I've never seen him before which is nearly impossible since he would have to be part of my generation.

He doesn't say anything, just stares at me for a second, his face expressionless, then slowly lets go of me.

I know I should say something but with the shock of being touched twice in one night and running into a boy I've never seen before, all I get out is a squeaky, "Thanks."

"Watch where you're going next time." His voice is soft, condescending almost, and I don't know what to say back, but he just moves to the side and walks by me into the dining hall, the door sliding shut behind him.

Simon is standing next to me, and I turn to him. I struggle for a second, my brain racing to start back up and finally the words come. "Who was _that_?"

**Reviews are, of course, appreciated… and yes, I am one of those people who feel encouraged to update faster if I get feedback. Things may seem a little confusing now, but they will be explained in time.**


	2. Chapter 2

"I don't see why you're so stuck on this," Simon huffed a few minutes later, once we were in his room. White walls with a dresser and bed, a solitary wooden chair in the corner; the only difference from mine was that I have a mirror propped up against the wall.

"It's just so weird to me, I mean; I've never seen him before… ever."

"Well of course you haven't, he is the captain's apprentice, and he's probably spent his whole life getting special training. The only reason I even know him is because he came in for our Men's Health and Fitness class, and that's for boy's only."

He stopped for a second to examine me, my face carefully neutral.

"I didn't really like him," he continued. "He seemed like he thought he was better than everyone else just because he is going to be running things someday and is mostly kept separate from us. Jace is his name."

We sit in silence for a minute as I contemplate what he said. I have no problem admitting that I find myself interested by him. The problem is that I don't know why. But I do know that pondering about unimportant things leads to nowhere.

"Yeah, he seemed kind of like a jerk," I say, hoping I sound dismissive. "Anyways, what did you want to talk to me about?"

Simon seems nervous, drumming his fingers against his leg.

"Listen," he starts, swallowing loudly. "I'm not really sure how to ask this so I'm just going to go for it… So, you know how you can request your partner for the pairing next week?"

I know. It's true, we were told that if you have someone in mind that you'd like to be partnered with, and if they agree, the evaluators examine what each of you have to offer and if your genetic compatibility is good enough. In the first few weeks of being paired though, couples are encouraged to physically experiment in case they discover that they would prefer a change. This won't always happen apparently, but they like to give you a secondary option. Producing children to contribute to society here is of course most important, but picking partners is allowed if approved, since happiness and enthusiasm is said to produce healthier babies.

Simon meets my eyes and suddenly I know what he is going to say before he does. My stomach twists.

"I was wondering if maybe… you'd want to request each other as partners…"

I don't know what to say. I'm surprised but not shocked, since it would be the logical thing to do. Simon and I have been best friends for as long as I can remember.

When I don't respond, Simon quickly adds, "I just thought, I mean, we know each other, and I thought it might be better for us to end up with each other instead of someone we don't know. You might not be so nervous if you knew it was me."

I nod, knowing he is right, yet I can't seem to get myself to answer. The words are stuck in my throat and I can't figure out how to force them out.

I know of course, what happens between a man and woman when the time comes for her to get pregnant. We have all been taught what to do and that it is simply necessary for us to contribute in this way, to have children for the next generation. But Simon is my friend and although it is explained that there is nothing to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about, the thought of it makes me blush. But he is right; I would rather be partnered with him than a number of boys from my classes.

We are not supposed to judge people by their physical appearance or let shallow thoughts influence our actions or opinions, but I can't help but find some boys more pleasing than others. Boys like Jace.

The thought of Jace is like a slap in the face. What am I doing? Why am I even hesitating? Simon was right to ask for this and I should feel fortunate.

I force my mouth into a smile and nod. "Yes, of course, I'm sorry; you just caught me by surprise. It makes sense for us to partner up, thank you for thinking of it."

Simon's face is uncertain but hopeful and it makes me feel sick.

The next day, Sandy's voice wakes me up, the same as every morning. Except today is different. Today is when I will take a test to decide how I'm going to contribute to our life here, whether I get put in health services or become a mechanic for the ship. Today is also the tenth day of the month, which means we get to go visit our parents. I get to go see my mom.

The generation before us, the first one, the ones who helped build the ship and chose to stay on it when it left, all of our parents, are kept in a different part of the ship, the level below us. At the age of one, we were all moved up here, to be raised. Living and growing up with our parents would have resulted in us already forming biased opinions and being influenced by them. This way, we get to start with a clean slate and truly be our own person.

But on the tenth day of every month, we get to visit. And although I'm not supposed to, I miss my mother.

My shower is lukewarm and I only have a few minutes before the water runs out, so I get clean quickly and spend the last minute trying to let the spray of water calm me. The bathroom seems especially quiet this morning so I assume I'm not the only one who is nervous. I get dressed, the lightweight clothes that regulate my body temperature creating a nice warm glow in me.

Breakfast looks especially bland today and I worry that I won't be able to eat it all. We are all given the perfect portion based on our size and health, so not eating it all would result in an investigation. Thankfully, Simon doesn't discuss with the others about our decision the night before; listening to that and the excited tone of his voice would make eating even harder.

My mind is wandering as I try to imagine what I'll say to my mother and I notice a boy at the table next to ours keeps looking over. Dark messy hair and clearly of some sort of Asian descent, he is in a few of my classes and I think his name is Magnus. He looks over again and makes eye contact with me, then ducks his head. I try to remember if I've ever really talked to him before, but I can't recall.

"Do you guys know why Magnus keeps looking over here?" I ask the others.

Alec's head jerks up so quickly that I hear his neck crack.

"Which one's Magnus?" Isabelle asks loudly, leaning over to see better. I point him out and she shrugs.

"Oh, he just… I… I ran into him last night and he is probably just mad about it… or upset… you know… or something." Alec's face is bright red and he is talking down to his food.

I exchange a look with Simon who has an eyebrow quirked. Irrational anger or grudge holding isn't something that happens here and we know it.

Isabelle is staring at Alec, a strange look on her face, but before I can dissect it, she sighs and waves her hand dismissively.

"Oh yeah, now I remember. He found me last night after you ran into him and said he felt bad that he didn't apologize before you ran off. You should learn to be a little more social." She laughs loudly then turns to me and abruptly says, "So Clary, are you excited to see your mother?"

I see Alec let out a sigh and sink down in his chair. This whole situation seems strange and suspicious, but I know neither of them would ever keep anything hidden. Keeping secrets leads to nothing good and will not be tolerated, something we are taught at any early age.

"I can't imagine what it's like having only one parent to visit, I feel like that would make the day only half as exciting," Isabelle continues, ever sensitive to my feelings like always.

I open my mouth to continue, but the quiet whir of the door opening causes a wave of silence to sweep through the room. We are all at breakfast. No one is ever late or shows up unexpectedly.

Jace walks into the room, and my breath catches in my throat. He doesn't stop or look at anyone, just walks across the room, the sound of his shoes on the floor especially loud as everyone watches him. He goes to the door on the far wall, one none of us has ever been allowed into, and pushes the button to open it.

As the door slides open, he turns around and his eyes do a quick sweep across the room, almost like he can't help himself, then stop on me. We stare at each other for a second, my knees suddenly shaking under the table. The corner of his mother quirks up, almost like he is going to smile, but all he does is a slight nod in my direction before he turns away and the door closes behind him.

Now everyone is staring at me.

I feel my face start to burn and ignore the looks, turning back to my food as the quiet chatter starts back up again. Except I know that they are talking about me. Me and Jace.

I can see that Isabelle wants to ask, but I beat her to it. "I don't know, so don't even ask."

"But who was that?" she asks earnestly. "I've never seen him before."

Simon leans in at this point to share all he knows, and Isabelle soaks it all up. The only one in the room who doesn't seem interested by Jace's appearance is Alec, who is still looking at his food.

"By why was he staring at you? Why single you out?" Isabelle is determined to figure out what's going on.

"I don't know, I bumped into him yesterday, maybe he just wanted to embarrass me." But then I remind myself that grudge holding is not allowed here. And the look he had given me didn't suggest any dislike. More the opposite actually. And I hadn't been the only one that noticed.

Isabelle looks skeptical, but what other explanation is there? Thankfully, before she can start asking more questions, Sandy's voice alerts us that breakfast is now over, and to gather in the main hall to get ready for our visit to the lower floor. It's time to visit my mother.

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed or is now following my story! I'm so excited to keep writing more for you guys.**

**Kisses 3**


	3. Chapter 3

As I ride the elevator down to the first generations living space, I can't help but get excited to see my mother. The time between visits seem so long, I feel like if I didn't think about her every day, I would forget what she looks like, which seems ridiculous since we are nearly identical; same red hair and green eyes, short and freckled, we could be twins.

Once the elevator doors open and Sandy welcomes us, I immediately spot my mother sitting at a table. It's the same table she always sits at, a chair placed across from her for me, the same blue one as I always sit in. A huge smile spreads across my face and I walk over to her as quickly as I can, sitting down as she reaches out like she is going to grab my hand. We don't touch of course, although I have a strange ache in my heart for her to reach a little farther.

"Clary, you look older every time I see you," she says, her bright green eyes looking suspiciously wet. "How have things been?"

I don't know where to start. I'm not allowed to ask for advice on my test later today, and the evaluators walking around the room watching us would hear me for sure.

"I feel… overwhelmed… and a little nervous," I admit, and my mother nods.

"That's a natural thing to feel, the test is going to pick what you do, who you're going to become. Just remember to be honest, and that whatever job you get is suited for you. The evaluators want you to be happy. "

I try to look confident but my mother sees right through it.

She looks thoughtful for a second, then says, "I remember the day had to decide if I was going to leave with the ship or not. Leave my home and everything I knew behind for something I believed in. It was hard, but I knew that it was meant for me. Where ever you get placed, it will be meant for you. You may miss things about how you live now, I still miss things about Earth, but it will be for the best."

I am soaking in every word. My mother rarely talks about Earth and I'm hungry for knowledge.

But she just laughs and says, "Of course, I had Luke to go with me, so the decision wasn't as hard as it had to be. But you'll still get to see your friends." Luke was my father; he got paired with my mother once they were on the ship, since they were together since they were on Earth. He had died in one of the few accidents that sometimes happened here. I never knew him.

"Simon asked me to be his partner… if we could request each other next week," I admit.

She studies me for a second. "I see. And how do you feel about that? Do you love him?"

My brain works quickly, trying to make sense of what she is asking. It finally clicks and I laugh. "You know love isn't real."

Part of Earth Studies includes watching movies, which demonstrate the ideals of people there, what they thought existed, and why the world failed. We study the things their society was build upon, these ideas of gods and love and money and accomplishment, and why they all brought about the destruction of Earth. When we reached the part to learn about love, we watched lots of silly movies where men and women experienced an insatiable, irresistible desire for each other, and were meant to be together. The whole concept was utterly inconceivable and impossible, since the heart is just an artery, not at all connected to emotions like they believed. We also learned about the darker side of it; how it caused wars and made men kill each other. It is considered one of the worst sins and biggest failures of our old world.

My mother turns her head away, her expression making my stomach twist.

"I know why it has to be this way, but sometimes I think we were wrong," she whispers, a tear running down her cheek. Crying without physical pain isn't allowed and I don't know what to do.

"Mother?" I ask hesitantly.

She turns to me, more tears running down her face, but her eyes are determined. "I don't want my daughter growing up without knowing things. You need to live. I thought this was right but Valentine did more than we had talked about, and you guys are being grown like plants, like-"

She gets cut off as two evaluators come up behind her and pull her out of her chair.

"Jocelyn, what are you doing?" one of them demands, shaking her roughly. I stand up, unsure of what to do, my heart racing with fear, something I have only felt a few times before.

"How can you be okay with this, seeing what he is doing, how these children are being-"

The second man jabs a needle into her neck and she immediately falls to the ground, eyes closed.

I can't move. There is a ringing in my ears and my body is frozen, unable to move, to stop them, to what? Stop them? What am I thinking? Something is clearly wrong with my mother. She must be hurt. My brains flashes through all the mental defections we learned about and I feel like I'm going to vomit. We are supposed to be safe here from anything bad, anything that could hurt us.

The first man grabs me, pulling me away from my mother and out the door, dragging me down a hall and into another room. Without a word, he pushes me in and closes the door. The silence it overwhelming, my breathing seems unnaturally loud and heavy.

I sit in a chair, my body trembling and attempt to calm down. I'm sure my mother is fine; we have doctors here that can help her. She will be fine and when I see her next month, she will be back to normal.

But what she said keeps racing around in my head, bouncing from side to side. I don't understand what she meant, why she would say that, what she was trying to tell me.

The door opens suddenly and I jump, nearly falling out of my chair as a tall woman walks in. Stern faced with short straight hair, she wears the white jumpsuit that all evaluators do.

"I am Evaluator Imogen. You'll be happy to know that your mother is being examined as we speak by the doctors, who seem to think she had some sort of mental breakdown. But nothing that shouldn't be easy to fix, so you have nothing to worry about." She says it like she is expecting a certain answer and I struggle to think.

"I'm glad to hear that, although if something was permanently wrong, I don't see how it would affect me. I only see her once a month and she doesn't contribute to my generation." This is what how we were taught to view our parents, since it makes no sense to consider someone more important just because they gave birth to you. Worth here is measured in how you contribute. I know this is right, but the words taste of dishonesty in my mouth.

The woman nods and says, "Whatever your mother said is to be disregarded, as she was not in her right mind."

"Of course," I say quickly. "I don't even remember what she was saying, none of it made sense."

She is studying me intently and I suddenly want to leave. As if they heard my wish, two evaluators enter the room and stand on either side of me.

"We will escort you back to the second generation level, so you can get ready to be tested." I stand, the blood prickling in my feet and leave the room quickly, feeling the woman's eyes on me the whole time.

Once upstairs, I immediately find Simon in the crowd of people who are all waiting in the main room to be taken back for their test. He is sitting down, his fingers drumming against his leg quickly, and he keeps looking around the room. When he finally spots me, he jumps to his feet and rushes over.

"What happened? I saw your mother on the ground and you leaving the room with an evaluator. Is everything alright?" His eyes are filled with concern and I want to… I don't know what I want to do.

"She had some sort of mental breakdown. The doctors think they can make her better though. She was saying a bunch of things that didn't make sense and the evaluators heard and came over to help her." I try to keep my voice level, but Simon knows me better. He doesn't know what to say though, so he is just silent.

"What sort of things?" he finally asks and I open my mouth to tell him about the bizarre things my mother had said. Out of the corner of my eye, I see movement and see an evaluator starting towards us, watching me intently. Suddenly I know, I shouldn't say anything.

"I don't know, I couldn't understand her. It was really frightening." The evaluator turns suddenly and walks in a different direction. My heart is racing and everything feels wrong. We aren't supposed to hide things, but I know I'm not supposed to share this with anyone. Or am I just being paranoid? Paranoia, another disease we learned about. Something else we are supposed to be safe from.

My head is spinning and I can see Simon looking at me, but everything feels weird. Something is very wrong but I don't know what or how that is possible. I need to calm down.

A hand falls on my shoulder and I jump.

"It's time for your test now," the evaluator says, his blue eyes hard as they scrutinize me.

Simon is still staring at me, his forehead wrinkles with confusion, and all I want to do is tell the evaluator I'm not ready for the test, to pick someone else, to give me more time. Instead, I nod, pushing all the thoughts out of my head and follow him on unsteady legs, Simon giving me a small reassuring smile, and take a deep breath as I go through the door.

**Sorry it took so long to update, I've been super busy lately, but hopefully I'll have some time within the next few days to update.**

**Kisses**


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